Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
