You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
