hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
