I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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