My hand turned me down
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
