C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
