dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
