i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
