Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
