I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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