we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
