We're facebook friends in real life
id be glad to
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
