omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
