He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All the doctor said was why
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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