i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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