I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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