Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
