i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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