I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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