I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
