Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
