Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
