drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
