I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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