she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
