he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
