my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize