Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
