how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
