Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
