Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
