How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Two words: nipple clamps
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