And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
