Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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