I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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