I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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