No stitches, just platelets and will power
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
