Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
