If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The uberlube is also flammable
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
