thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
