Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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