whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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