I think I died a long time ago.
one might say we're banned from that church
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
