yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
