i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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