Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize