I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
