Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
