I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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