Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.

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  (206): Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too. http://tfl.nu/q39q
  Replies (9) Good night (1699) Bad night (670)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am

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  (641): i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am http://tfl.nu/xq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (5161) Bad night (787)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile

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  (201): even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile http://tfl.nu/o0hq
  Replies (26) Good night (4151) Bad night (1106)
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  (831): View more from California

  I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.

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  (831): I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer. http://tfl.nu/gejp
  Replies (18) Good night (2851) Bad night (2148)
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm trying to make a sex playlist

  (916): View more from California

  record yourself crying and put it on a loop.

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  (510): I'm trying to make a sex playlist (916): record yourself crying and put it on a loop. http://tfl.nu/f4y5
  Replies (12) Good night (3436) Bad night (1393)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.

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  (412): Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant. http://tfl.nu/1w7r
  Replies (16) Good night (1551) Bad night (1076)
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  (714): View more from California

  im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.

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  (714): im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats. http://tfl.nu/387j
  Replies (8) Good night (2499) Bad night (949)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.

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  (812): After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything. http://tfl.nu/te7o
  Replies (9) Good night (1514) Bad night (733)
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  (310): View more from California

  Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.

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  (310): Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it. http://tfl.nu/jpod
  Replies (5) Good night (1276) Bad night (560)
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  (858): View more from California

  I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail

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  (858): I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail http://tfl.nu/x9sf
  Replies (2) Good night (1080) Bad night (479)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.

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  (405): I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level. http://tfl.nu/exjq
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (361)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.

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  (202): As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring. http://tfl.nu/gw6v
  Replies (22) Good night (2154) Bad night (461)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere

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  (717): Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere http://tfl.nu/ab4x
  Replies (0) Good night (831) Bad night (481)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.

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  (216): I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class. (610): I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class. http://tfl.nu/0ypg
  Replies (0) Good night (1084) Bad night (396)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....

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  (850): I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up.... http://tfl.nu/p40l
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (570)

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