ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  come over

  Fav 25 7850 1358

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.

  Fav 31 1167 7373

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (718): View more from New York

  At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.

  Fav 18 7980 1515

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

  Fav 12 7318 1396

  share tweet
  
• 

  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.

  Fav 10 5126 1221

  share tweet
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's not technology. Doesn't count.

  Fav 3 1907 1002

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..

  Fav 3 994 696

  share tweet
  

• (434): View more from Virginia

  In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.

  Fav 4 694 1368

  share tweet
  

• (517): View more from Michigan

  Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.

  Fav 1 539 821

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.

  Fav 6 411 848

  share tweet
  

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  How high are you?

  Fav 4 810 441

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends

  Fav 1 726 408

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?

  Fav 4 310 448

  share tweet
  

• (058): View more from

  Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?

  Fav 2 140 63

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.

  Fav 1 56 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize