i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.