would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God