I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.