When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she smelled like a LAN party
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
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I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out