Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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