you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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