You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
