we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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