turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
