I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
