She's like a pop up book from hell.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There r osticjed everywhere
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
