How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
