I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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