I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
