I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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