my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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