So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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