my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Drunk is not a location!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
