i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
