Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
