I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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