those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
