Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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