Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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