Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
