I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
