bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
