sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
