My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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