Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
